on a lazy Saturday

by Arran James

second sight 

i don’t want my mood
rubbing off on you,
you said,
afraid that this lethargy
announced contagious despair
afraid that you stole away
my stocks of vitality

i am lying on my bed
cursing money and necessity
damning buses and trains
and the drivers who take
you away from me

and i don’t want you scared
cos i’ve never been
one for living in the light’s full beam
where the contented people live
their simple and their bloodless


and sometimes when we’re in my room
i can feel i’m uncertain of

which of these performances
am i?

and when i look at you
when you’re naked getting ready
in the mirror
i can almost hear your doubting

which of those performances
are you?

and i’m lying on my bed
empty headed, no concerns
or cares
with no-one to be
and nowhere to go
worshipping the buses and the
trains and their drivers who
bring you

home to me

and i want to let go
of the need for certainties
and identities that can’t flex

cos i can
feel you seeing into me
and i can
see into you too

and i want to be seen
only by

with no-one to be for

except you